Jokes Jokes Jokes

[thelufias]

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

[thelufias]

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day.

Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send her there.

[Jherrith]

[MilosGulan]

 

[thelufias]

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit.

She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there.

An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here."

The blonde replied, "I can and I will."

The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy" to which the blond replied "You can't make me move."

The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work.

Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her.

After a quick chat with her, she moved.

The shocked attendant asked him how he did it.

The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."

[Jherrith]

[thelufias]

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.

"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed.

"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

[thelufias]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[Scouseaphrenia]

Officer! Officer! I've just been graped...


Graped? You mean raped?


No, there was a bunch of them....


 :yeow: :yeow: :yeow:

[thelufias]

 

Excellent